Jesus, are you there?

I have been a busy guy over the years. I have been doin' lots of church stuff but always feeling some kind of void. I really thought that all the activity that I was involved in would be pleasing to the Lord and that somehow I was paying him back. I've always felt indebted to the Lord because He rescued me from a life that was going nowhere. Wrapped around all this activity was emptiness. It wasn't the same. The passion was gone and I was running on fumes. Everything good and right about God seemed to happen in my past. Thoughts about Jesus were constantly in my mind but His real presence didn't seem to be there. If I wasn't doing enough church stuff then I would up the ante and do more. I wanted God's approval of my effort but I really never seemed to hear from Him.

Over the past 10 years I came to the brilliant conclusion that it couldn't be God screwing this up. It had to be me. That's a heavy load considering He is God and I am me. I started thinking about it more seriously over the past 5 years and I began to notice something. I began to see the wonderful life that I experienced with Jesus was being replaced with all this religious activity and the substitutes were failing miserably. I thought that God had called me to the ministry but as I read the Bible I see that God has called all of us to the ministry. So why are we all acting this way. I can't speak for anybody else about these issues and I probably shouldn't try because everyone has to come to their own conclusions but I felt that I had to get to the bottom of this whole charade.

I noticed that when I attended churches that the language and conversations of the people was very different from the way we all talked about our christian life in the past. The conversations in church seemed to revolve around the Pastors message or things like how beautiful the atrium looked on Sunday. There were a variety of topics but very rarely was the conversation about Jesus. Don't misunderstand me. There were some but He wasn't the focal point. I found myself drifting into the same pattern and my life was empty. I missed Jesus. I missed talking about Him. I missed the everyday testimonies about Him that I used to hear. I missed His joy.

I soon decided that I needed to eliminate all the substitutes and get back to Him. I can't believe the baggage that I have accumulated. Bear with me, I'm still shedding some of that now. Anyway, I found myself asking, "Jesus are you there?" The first time I sincerely approached Him in desparation, He responded with His amazing overwhelming grace and love. I know that He hasn't changed and so I'm going back for a second helping.