I'm Accused......

We used to sing a little chorus back in the late 70's and the first verse had these words; "Let's forget about ourselves and concentrate on Him and worship Him." It kind of made you dial down and drop your guard and minimize your world so that you could enter into a blissful state of worship. When I think of that chorus I can also envison the opposite affect that occurs when we fail to forget about ourselves and take ourselves way too seriously. I remember my days in West Virginia as days that I really had very very little self-awareness. I was starting to get that self awareness back as I struggled to fit into this new arena of ministry at our church at Northfold. One Sunday morning at Northfold it became evident that I needed God's grace and Love to return to my heart.

After almost every service folks would come forward for prayer or spend some time in conversation with one of the elders or pastors. One Sunday morning I was approached by a lady and her young son. She looked at me and said, "Pastor Buhl", which felt kind of odd to me because no one in the church ever called me pastor. Immediately I felt a formality in this conversation that I wasn't at all used to but I moved on and replied, "Yes Maam, Can I help you?" She then ask me a very pointed question. She said to me, "What do you do all week as a full time minister? I proceeded cautiously by divulging a little bit about my weekly routine. I finally posed the question, "Why do you Ask?" She began to elevate her voice and tone and I could sense that she was angry about something. She had her twelve year old son beside her and apparently was not very happy with the fact that we did not have a Sunday School class for his age group during the service. It sounded to me like her son was ruining her Sunday morning worship and that she would have liked to have been alone so that she could get more out of the service. She accused me and Pastor Ron of not making good use of our time as full time ministers and that if we were on the ball that this problem that she was having would have never occurred.

I don't know why I reacted this way but I turned a brush fire into a towering inferno. I told the lady that Sunday school was a man made supplement to teach children about God and that the real responsibility belong to the parents. I told her that while I empathized with her dilemma I didn't think that the accusation was warranted. That set her off even more and she left the church in a major huff. I didn't handle it very well at all and was somewhat chastized at our elders meeting. Deep down inside I felt that I was right but I also knew that being right isn't always important if our rightness cannot edify others. I certainly didn't look to edify this lady. I thought that she needed knocked down a bit.

This was my first experience with the possible "politics" that can go on in organized church. My fellow elders backed me but at the same time I had the funny feeling that no one wanted to upset the apple cart. I began to feel like I had to temper my ways and be careful not to offend folks. This was not my modus operandi in West Virgina. I was upsetting people all the time about things and when they would get angry I would just love them and forgive them in my heart because I didn't think that they were really angry at me. I thought that they were angry because they didn't have what I had as yet. They didn't know Jesus and my life in Christ presented a problem to them. It was great to be opposed by so many and yet have no anger or bitterness toward them. The Lord was able to reach many of them because of my dogged persistance.

Church life was different. It inhibited me. I didn't feel like I could be myself anymore. I loved all the people and was very devoted to Pastor Ron but I started losing my zeal for the Lord. I started to stay home with the kids more and watch sports. The Steelers were winning all those Super Bowls back then and I started to get caught up in all the Black and Gold euphoria.

Next up.....

Discipleship